Friday Read - Inspired by a Photo

Greetings. I've been so busy writing and promoing it slipped my mind that I had no more Out in Left Field to post. So, I'm doing a little impromptu fic on the picture at left. 


I'll start taking requests again by the way for Friday Fics. Send me an email at michaelmandrake71@gmail.com


Okay here we go!


* * *


Bryant showered to my left, soaping up his hard body as the water cascaded down his back. His muscles glistened with the drops and fine black hairs clung to his pale flesh. Seeing that, my cock jolted and gave me a painful reminder of just how long it had been since I'd had sex. 


As I continued to stare, he glanced over at me. Blue eyes, similar color to the Pacific. His short black locks looked painted on from the large amounts of water running on the top of his scalp. Bryant stopped rubbing himself and strolled in my direction.


My breath caught in my chest and I gulped hard. What could he be thinking? Will he be mad because I can't seem to get my eyes off him? What if...


In moments, Bryant roughly grabbed me by my neck and yanked me in for a rough kiss. The force in which he pulled me in hurt slightly but I was a happy man nonetheless. 


Maybe both of us had an affectionate moment on our mind. One could never tell. 


***Hmm, another plot bunny is brewing. Hope you liked that little fic. 


Send me some prompts at my email or comment here. 

Friday Read Out in Left Field

Morning! Here is the end of my free read. I hope you enjoyed it!


*smiles* Next week I'll need to come up with another story. ;)


Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight

Chapter Nine

After practice, I sat by my locker thinking what I should do.

I knew I didn’t want to admit being bisexual and I needed to keep my longing for Nathaniel under control, but how?

After only one night, I was starting to feel different. My want for Nathaniel was turning into need really fast.

As much as I wanted to deny my desires, all I could think about was that time we spent in bed. How good his body felt next to mine. The snogging, kissing.

“Mmmhhh…” I breathed while closing my eyes, envisioning it.

“Madden, earth to Roger. Did you have plans this evening?” My eyes were still closed as  heard Nathaniel waltz in.

“No I didn’t, anything you had in mind?” I opened my eyes before standing up in front of him.

“Well, yeah. I thought you might want to come back over and have a few bitters or…” Nathaniel smiled wryly as I walked closer.

“Yeah I’d like that a lot actually.” I took his hand pulling him close to me.

Fuck, I need this, now!

“Ah Roger, I knew you’d see it my way.” As soon as he finished speaking, I took his lips into my own forcing my tongue into his mouth.

“Mmmhhh…,” I moaned while he dropped my towel then his to the floor.

I put my hands on his shoulders making my way down to his tight ass.

“Roger…,” he whispered.

Nathaniel caressed my buttocks while flicking his tongue on my teeth.

“Nat, tell me you want this, now yeah,” I released his hips to reach inside my bag for the necessities.

“Yes Roger, now baby,” he growled while he sat on the bench.

I can’t live without him or this.

Once I gazed into those beautiful browns, he reached for my cock. I stood straight up so he could easily take it all.

“Mmm, Roger. I knew this would be a lot more fun, huh?” He chuckled before grinding his face into my crotch.

“Oh Nat, sh…i…ttt…FUCK,” I screamed as his nose nuzzled my jewels.

“Mmm…” he hummed while sucking my dick, invoking the pre cum out the mushroom head.

“Ooh…Naaattt…” I breathed as he slurped me dry.

As he continued to engulf me, he placed my hand atop his hair. Instinctively, I pressed his head in further suffocating him with the hard flesh between my legs. Wrapped tightly was his mouth around it causing the fluids in my groin to build.

“Shit…oohhh...baby,” I forced his head to move on my length.

Slowly he rose, looking into my eyes. While licking his lips, “Mmm Roger, come for me love, now baby.” Again, he kissed me before swallowing me whole.

“Uh…oh God, I’m ohhh…” I moaned, as I could no longer hold on.

Once more, I rested my palm on his head pulling him into me. “Oh Nat…FUCK yess!”

Within seconds, I flooded his mouth with my natural wine.

“Mmm, that was good. Roger as much as I want this now, let’s go yeah?”

He was right, why get caught doing this in the locker room? We’d never be able to live that down.

After locking lips with him once again, I put the necessities back in my bag. I sprinted over to my locker grabbing my clothes.

While I dressed, Nathaniel gave me looks that made me want to jump him.

“Stop that Nathaniel or I’ll tackle you right here and now.” I zipped my fly.

Amused, he chuckled as he slipped into his shoes. “That’s what I want you to do, Madden. I can’t wait till we get back to the flat!”

Once we finished, we ran out to our respected cars.

God’s I want him.

In a hurry, I drove out behind him to his place. Never had I been in such a rush to have sex with someone. The fact it was another man sort of scared me. However, it didn’t make me change my mind. Although I still had my reservations about this, I wanted nothing more than to have Nathaniel Terry’s ass tightly wrapped around my shaft.

I desired to be closer than we’d ever been.

Friends, teammates, lovers both out in left field. 

END

Friday Read Out in Left Field

Good morning! We're almost done with the Out in Left Field Friday read. This means I'll need to write something new. I'm up to the challenge.


Anyway, here it goes, some more of my small serial read.


Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six

Part Seven

Chapter Eight

The rest of that day, we stayed in bed watching tv, talking, and shagging. Although I still wasn’t all the way comfortable with the idea of being with him, I gave in because again, I realized how much I liked our experience.

The morning after, the team met for breakfast. Nathaniel and I sat on either side of Charlie, who was telling jokes at that moment.

While we ate, I kept looking over at Nathaniel who was biting down into a muffin when he caught my gaze.

Shit, what the hell has come over me?

Wryly, he smiled then winked. Even though I said I didn’t want to revisit our lovemaking, that second I desired that tight ass around my dick.

As I gulped down the last bit of coffee in my mug, my thoughts drifted to our session the day before. How good the sex felt each, and every time we did it, I'd lost count by nightfall.

He made me scream out his name repeatedly. Especially when he took my cock into his mouth. Damn he was so good at that. His mouth tightly wrapped around my shaft.

Again, I gawked over at him drinking some juice. He found me looking at him once more and intentionally let a drop run from the side of his mouth.

God’s he’s torturing me. He’ll make me eat my words about not wanting anything more.

Charlie stopped eating and looked at me. “What on earth are you staring at Madden?”

Embarrassed, I put my head down. “Aw nothin’ just erm…just the watermelon on the table, it looks a little rotten.”

That was the first thing I could think of since it sat directly in front of Nathaniel.

Charlie snickered while picking up a piece. “Madden, it looks fine to me. Looks to me that you were givin’ an eye to Terry over ‘ere.”

Yeah I am, I can’t help myself.

The table jeered as Charlie turned towards Nathaniel. “What’s goin’ on between you two?”

“Nothin’ Charlie.” Nathaniel glared at Charlie while taking a piece of toast biting into it quickly.

I cleared my throat before gulping down a glass of orange juice.

Everyone was eerily quiet since Charlie asked the question.

This is what I was afraid of.

Exactly the reason why I didn’t want to continue this “thing” we had. I was starting to become drawn to Nat. I wanted him more than any female at this point.

“Right you two, I’m thinkin’ you had somethin’ goin’ on. You know in the campy sense, but if you say it’s not the case…then so be it.” Charlie sipped some of his coffee.

Campy indeed, more like bender.

I couldn’t believe I was feeling this way. I’m straight. I like girls. I just wanted that moment with Nathaniel. That’s all.

Now, it seemed I wanted more and it showed on my face.

Friday Read Out in Left Field

The holiday's are over, whew, so lets continue with our free read.

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six

Chapter Seven

After falling asleep once more, I awoke to the sounds of a television. When I rose, I searched for Nathaniel who wasn’t lying next to me.

Now what?

I got up, looking for my clothes when Nathaniel came in with a tray of food.

“Allo gorgeous,” he said with a grin. He sat down next to me, pulling me in for another embrace.

Although I enjoyed it, I was thinking about how our relationship would be that we’d slept together.

“Uh allo, Nathaniel…um.” I stammered as he put a croissant with sausage to my lips.

I took a bite while looking into those beautiful eyes once more. “We need to chat, mate.”

Nathaniel put the sandwich down on the plate and inhaled. “I know love, I’m not gonna try to run away from what happened. I wanted that Roger, and I wanted you…”

“Yes, as did I but can we function as friends now that this has happened? I mean, can we get past this and allow things to return to normal?” I said while taking another bite.

Nathaniel looked miffed at my statement. “What do you mean Madden? You want to pretend like it never occurred?”

“Um, well not that drastic but…” I looked for something less negative to say.

“Oh? It sounds like you do. You said you want things to go back the way they were before we shagged this mornin’.” His eyes narrowed as he finished his sentence.

That’s exactly what I wanted but I didn’t want to upset him more than he already was.

“Nat, I…I’m a straight man that wanted to experience gay sex. Now that I have…”

“Oh so that’s all it was to you huh? We’ve been friends for years, Roger. I thought you wanted me. You took me away from Charlie!”

I had angered him now; I saw the redness in his cheeks.

“Yes Nat, it’s true I wanted you and now that this happened…I…want to go back to being the way I was. It doesn’t mean it wasn’t special to me. I just…I’m not homosexual okay?” I got up from the bed leaving him there.

While I started dressing, I felt his eyes on me. “Oh really? Here’s a news flash for you Roger, you slept with me. It means you’re not straight chum.”

“Yes I am. I was curious is all. I’m rather happy you were the one to fulfill my longing. Besides, we’re athletes Nat. The climate we work in won’t permit us to be together, you know that.” I slipped into my shoes whilst putting on my shirt.

“Yeah, I know but Roger we connected this mornin’ love. I know you want to be with me. No one has to know.” He pulled my waist trying to get me back in bed.

“Nat, please…what…what are you sayin’? I just told Irene that I didn’t want a relationship, what makes you think I’d get into one with you?” I fell down on the mattress where he wanted me.

He rolled his eyes. “Roger, it doesn’t have to be that. As long as you acknowledge we have this, that will be good enough for me. Hey, you may not consider yourself gay but you’re definitely bisexual. I am. I admit that proudly.”

“Only to me and Charlie you would, not to anyone else.”

“True but isn’t that all that matters? I’ll play the straight game only to keep up that appearance. It is a necessity that we do that, Roger. Believe me, I hate doing it but I know it’s the only way to avoid scrutiny.”

I knew what he was saying but I still didn’t want any part of this. I had my fun, now it was time to look for someone that was even more attractive than him; a female. “Look Nat, I enjoyed it but I’m not sure I’m ready to acknowledge that I’m bisexual. Let’s just move on and keep it between us alright?” I patted his leg before attempting to get up.

Quickly, he caught my hand, putting it on his bare chest. It was only then I realized that he was still nude. “No Roger, you’ll recognize now who you are and what you are. You want this, I know you do.”

“Nat…please,” I said as he engulfed my lips with his own causing me to lose focus.

“Mmmhh Roger, I want you inside me now. Understand what I’m tellin’ you mate.” Nathaniel began taking my clothes right back off. I didn’t stop him because deep down I did want to fuck him.

“We can still be with the ladies Roger,” he whispered while pulling my pants down. “I just want us to have this, chum. We’ll be fuck buddies is all, then we’ll see where it leads us. No one will know.”

Once he had gotten my trousers and underwear down around my ankles, I used my feet to finish the job. Right then, he kneeled down taking my cock into his mouth.

“Shit Nat…AHHH!” I yelled while he swallowed me completely.

After a couple of minutes, he moved the tray from the bed before pushing me down to straddle me. I rose up a little, lifting my shirt over my head.

“I want you Roger…” he breathed while stroking my dick.

At this point, I was ready to take him as he wanted. Slowly, I reached for our “necessities” from the side table.

“Oh Nat, fuck…” I panted while he kissed my neck. My body was on fire. My nipples hard as pebbles.

Nathaniel sheathed me before using the lube to prepare his tight puckered spot.

“Ah Roger, I want to ride you baby. Please, yeah,” he begged while jerking my man meat with his lubed hand.

“Uh…yesss Nat, ah.” Before I could respond, he lowered himself on top of my erection, gasping as I filled him completely.

“Roger, fuck…ugh…,” he moaned while moving vertically on my shaft.

I reached upward, pinching his nips, gazing into those gorgeous brown eyes.

“God’s Nat, your ass…FUCK,” I yelled loudly as went faster, pounding me into his mattress.

I moved my fingers from his pecs to the sheets on the bed, gripping them to hold on for dear life.

“Mmm…Roger, damnit baby. Are you ready to come,” he said as he leaned forward kissing my neck once more.

“Yes…,uh fuck!” I screamed before I could finish my sentence.

My body shook as he slowed down, bucking against my pelvis as if he were on horseback.

“Oh Roger…yesssss…” he screeched, throwing his head back.

After the shocks were done, I gazed into those eyes once more noticing the lust in his eyes.

Nathaniel really does want me.

When I tried to move once more, he pushed me back down. “Roger, I want you, damnit don’t you get it?”

“Yeah I do Nathaniel but I…I’m just not ready for this now. I cannot deny the heat between us but…”

Suddenly, he kissed my lips again. “Then don’t, you idiot. Acknowledge it, embrace it. I won’t tell anyone.”

Once more, he invaded my mouth with his tongue.

Could I be in this fuck buddy relationship and still shag a woman? I wasn’t sure but I had the feeling Nathaniel would not allow me to get too far away.

Friday Read Out in Left Field

Good morning! Welcome to Michael's for another Friday read!


Here is the next part! 


Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five

When we arrived at his place, the alcohol got to him. As I helped him up the stairs, I wrapped my arms around Nathaniel’s waist, incidentally, letting my hands drop to his ass.

He laughed, “Ooh Roger, stop being frisky will ya,” he said as he handed me his key.

Once we got in, I sat his keys on the coffee table. I took my shoes off and jacket putting them near the couch.

“So Roger, are you gonna run awayyyy or what.” He was completely gone. Nothing would be happening tonight.

“No Nathaniel, I’m stayin’ here.” I said firmly. Although I had been drinking too, I still had my faculties in check.

“Allllrighhht, so, would you like to join me in bed or is it gonna be an issss…shue with you again.”

Of course it wasn’t an issue to lay in bed next to Nathaniel. Over the last year or so I had desired to be that close to him.  

As we strolled to his room, I held his hand so he would make it without stumbling. When we got there, we both began undressing almost as if we were stripping for each other. Though we were not really making too much eye contact, every time either of us tried to catch the others gaze, the heads would lower.

“What’s wrong Roger, yolu don’t like… the way I looookkk?” he chuckled while taking off his shirt.

Nervously, I chuckled, “No, it’s not that Nathaniel, just making sure yoo don’t fall over.”

“Ahhh Roger, always a mate,” he winked while tossing his trousers to the floor.

Yes, I was and I would always be. The question was how could I still be that while wanting to snog him?

While I took off my pants, Nathaniel had already settled in bed completely naked. I had seen him in this state before but had no idea he would strip when I’d be accompanying him under the covers.

Miffed, I left my boxers on and slid underneath about ten feet to his right. I lay there, watching him fall deep in slumber, desiring to trace that lovely face with my fingertips.

Damn what has come over me?

I felt like a schoolgirl on a first date; wanting to touch him anywhere I could.

“Mmmm…” escaped his lips as I continued to observe.

What now?

Still, I lay there in a trance, thinking if I should take the chance to get in closer.

After all, since I knew he was interested too; getting in bed, completely nude.

He knew exactly what he was doing, curse him.

After a couple of minutes of gawking, I turned myself around to lay flat on my back. While gazing at the ceiling. I thought about our relationship and where it would go from here.

Was there any evidence before now that he wanted me? If so, then it went completely over my head.

Of course, I’ve never been one to pick-up on those types of things right away. Damnit, I swear, maybe this longing would be satisfied now that the perfect scenario has befallen us.

Once I’d gotten tired of pondering over Nathaniel and his signals or lack thereof, I drifted off to sleep.

 Chapter Six

The light from Nathaniel's window shone through brightly as I wiped my mouth with my right hand. While turning my head, I noticed I wasn’t able to rotate because Nathaniel was lying on my chest, still knocked out.

Oh my God, what happened?

Suddenly, my mind started racing as I thought about what transpired before we fell asleep. He was drunk, closing his eyes before I did so why was he on my chest? Could he have rolled over onto of me at some point during the wee hours of the morning?

His hand was on my right pectoral, resting there. Slowly, I took his into mine grasping it tightly.

I tilted my head down, planting a kiss on the top of his head.

The way I felt right then, I could have frozen that moment so we could stay that way forever.

“Mmm…oohh Roger, God’s I want you,” he cooed while kissing my chest.

“I want you too…” I answered while holding his body.

Waking, he mounted me. The moment our eyes and crotches met, some friction built below.

“Is that really how you feel Madden? Fuck, I can’t read you.” A smirk crossed his face as he stared into my soul.

I know, I can figure me out either.

“Don’t worry about that. Just know that I want this, now Nathaniel…” I intercepted his lips immediately, pushing my tongue deep inside his mouth.

While we enjoyed the embrace, he ran his hand through my hair.

“Mmmhh…Roger, sh…ii…” he whispered as I tangled my fingers inside the strands of his beautiful brownish, blond locks.

“Ooh Nat…uhh…” That minute, I wanted to feel something more than just kisses.

While he was still on top, I moved my hands down to his buttocks, gripping them tightly. I pressed myself into him, rubbing against the hard vessel between his thighs.

“Ohh Roger, shit,” he said after ceasing our kiss.

Lightly, he placed small pecks on my chin continuing to drop lower until he got to the tent between my legs. Gently, he nuzzled his nose along my length, making me dizzy.

“Ohh baby…God’s Nath...!” I yelled as his mouth engulfed my shaft.

While he went on swallowing me, I grabbed a handful of his hair. As the eruption in my groin started to stir, my eyes rolled in the back of my head.

“FUCK!” I screamed I writ, writhing uncontrollably. The juices flowed from me quenching his thirst.

“Mmmhh…Roger, now yeah,” he said while wiping the remnants of my natural wine off the sides of his face.

“Yeah, whatever you want,” I breathed, enveloping his lips with mine.

As we continued devouring each other, Nathaniel reached over into his drawers.

“Roger, damn I have wanted this for so long baby. To be like this with yoo…,” he said while preparing himself with the condom.

Although I wanted to fuck him first, I knew it wouldn’t be impossible since he’d taken everything out of me.

When he finished arming himself, he took some of the lube, rubbing a little between his fingers then some on my tight hole. Slowly, he penetrated me with one, twisting it from left to right.

“Shit…oh, Nat…more yeah?” Even though it wasn’t the most pleasant feeling, I knew the only way to enjoy it was by relaxing my anus, allowing him to apply the pressure so it would loosen.

“Yes, I will be gentle.”

While he pushed another in, I gritted my teeth. I knew I wanted him inside me but I was glad he wasn’t in a hurry to thrust in. Nathaniel wasn’t small by any means.

At the same time, he was tracing my jaw line with his lips. My arms were wrapped around his neck while my ankles lay at his sides. “Uhh Nathaniel yes…mmm…” I moaned as he took out two then put in three.

“Roger, I can feel you loosening a little there. When you’re ready for me, let me know.” He grinned at me whilst pushing his fingers inside me.

Again, my hands were playing with his strands. I looked into those beautiful browns as he toyed with my ass like a kid.

The more he forced the fingers into my hole, the more I desired from him. “Fuck, yes…now baby.” I breathed wanting my friend and teammate to push into my tight space.

“You sure Roger?” His look was one of concern. I nodded to let him know not to worry.

Once he picked up on my signal, he stroked his cock before touching that sweet spot.

It only took a few small moves for him to get all the way inside me, causing both of us to gasp for air.

“Shit, Nat…” I yelled as the pleasure overtook the pain. While he penetrated me, he leaned down letting his bangs fall on to my forehead.

He is so beautiful.

Our bodies moved in unison as he thrust into me while I moved upwards to make sure I was completely filled.

“Ohh Roger…damn!” He said while pounding me into the mattress making it squeal in delight.

Still, my arms and legs bound him at that moment as I delighted in his trail of kisses along my neck. We were there encased within each other. Tight.

“Nat…yesss…ohh…” I whispered while his body began to tremble.

“Damn, Roger…FUCK!” He screamed at the top of his lungs as I felt the latex expanding in my bum.

As the aftershocks took over him, I reached for his chin, pulling him down to my face.

“Gods Nathaniel, that felt so good.” I breathed before enveloping his lips with my own.

“Mmmhh Roger…” He slid out of my canal, reciprocating the kiss.

Slowly, he pulled the condom off, tossing it aside. Again, he lay on top of me devouring my mouth as if it were his last meal.

At that point, I couldn’t think about anything other than being in his arms. Finally we had that moment that I’d wanted seemingly forever.

Friday Reads

Good morning!


Here is today's part from my free read, Out in Left Field.


Part One Part Two Part Three

Chapter Four

The next few days, Nathaniel and I didn’t revisit the conversation we had at the breakfast table. Seemingly, he'd gotten over the feelings as he put them.

However, I hadn't. I kept thinking to myself what had I done. Although I had tried to reason that this wasn’t going to become an issue, that our friendship was more important, the longing for him didn’t go away.

I need to confront him about this.

After our match with Stoke City where we beat them 1-0, I waited for him once I finished showering. I had made sure that everyone left the locker room. The only person I didn’t see was Charlie, whom I assumed left right after since his things weren’t there.

I sat on the bench in front of his locker, twiddling my thumbs when I noticed that Charlie wasn’t gone. Not only that, he stepped out of the shower with Nathaniel, completely naked, kissing his lips like he was his lover.

What the fuck?

I had nowhere to run, all I could do is just watch in disbelief as Charlie held my friend, tight.

“What the hell is goin’ on here Nathaniel, Charlie?” I said to both of them who looked at me completely surprised by my presence.

“What’s up Roger. I know you don’t have a problem with this. Especially after you told me no.” Nathaniel glared at me.

“Yeah, well…I had no idea you would go after Charlie either. What did you need me for if he was what you desired?”

Charlie looked at Nathaniel, confused. “What’s goin’ on Nathaniel?” 

“It’s nothin’ Charlie. I wanted Roger to be with me and he declined. Nothin’ to concern yourself over. You’re the one I want Charlie.” That moment, he took his head pulling him in for another kiss.

I shifted my feet before walking closer.

No, I can’t lose him completely, I care for him.

“Nathaniel, it was more than nothin’ and besides, I…I’ve reconsidered.”

Nathaniel and Charlie looked at me with surprise.

“It’s too late now Roger. You made your choice. You’ll have to live with it. You had no concern for my feelings, why have some now, especially since you left my flat in that manner the other night.”

Still, I stood there motionless. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

Charlie was gay?

I shook my head. “Nathaniel, I know I was a fuckin’ coward alright. I messed up.”

“Hmph well I guess you did, Charlie is with me now.” He paused then turned towards me. “God’s Roger, you’re such an idiot. The day before when you mentioned goin’ out with that chick Irene, I was so mad at you. I said your outfit didn’t work. Then, of course, I said if she had friends let me know. God knows I had no interest in them but I would put up the appearance to be near you, anything to be close with you.”

Charlie started getting dressed, sensing the tension between us.

“Roger you had your chance and blew it. You’re too busy worrying about who knows about your orientation to care for my feelings. And since you made that decision, I guess you’ll have to live with it.”

I’m not falling for Nathaniel already am I?

What am I to do? I knew I still wanted to be with women, deep down, but at that moment, I couldn’t bear to see Charlie with him.

“Nathaniel, look. Like I said, I do have feelings for you, always have but I wasn’t ready. Charlie ain’t no nancy.”

Charlie put his hand on Nathaniel's naked shoulder. “Well Madden, I like a little of both actually. Looks as if you’ve lost your chance with Nathaniel, yeah?” Charlie buried his head into Nathaniel's neck.

Still miffed at this situation, I cleared my throat. As much as I wanted to answer Charlie, all I could do was turn and walk out.

God’s what now?

* * * * *

Nathaniel meant what he said and I was too timid to answer Charlie’s probing question. When I arrived at my vehicle, I got in and sat back on the seat.

“Damnit, I’m such a fool. I want him but I’m just not prepared to admit my curiosity.” I hit the steering wheel making the horn sound loudly.

My thoughts were on what I’d saw. Unbelievable that Nathaniel and Charlie were involved.

That should have been me.

I started the car up, proceeding to drive. I could go home and do some soul searching. Either I would let go of my feelings for Nathaniel completely or I’d let him know that it wasn’t too late for me or us to have that experience.

Free Read Friday

Good morning!


Welcome to Michael's. 


Today is once again free read Friday and we're continuing with the story, Out in left Field. 


Part One Part Two

Chapter Three

After talking with Jim, we hopped in my car to drive to Nathaniel’s flat in south London. I'd only been over his place a few times since he’d moved in three years ago. For whatever reason, when we hung out, he always liked to come back to my apartment.

Slowly, I guided him out of my car, up the stairs of his building. My arm was around his waist, supporting him so he could move without falling.

“Ay Roger, thanks mate. Those things are just startin’ to hit me,” he stammered on his words while belching.

“I knew you had too much. It’s alright though. At least you are at home now.” Once we reached his door, I picked him up over my shoulder, laying him across his sofa.

“Whoa Roger, Jesus, I’m glad I did not have to wretch.” Nathaniel lay back on the cushions, while watching me.

The thought of him vomiting didn’t come to mind, I just tried to get him over to the couch faster. “I knew you wouldn’t so I brought you over. Did you need somethin’, water er erm…”

“No thanks mate. However, this furniture is not fit for sleeping. I believe I’d rather go to my bed. Can you help me.” He got up slowly, trying not to lose his balance.

That moment, my mind raced as I thought about what I would say. Part of me wanted to stay and try putting out this burning desire to be with him. The other wants to leave right away because although I really would like to be with Nathaniel, I didn’t want to be here while he was drunk.

I walked him to his room and immediately he flopped on the bed.

Patting the spot next to him, “Roger, why don’t you spend the night huh? As long as you don’t mind sharing the bed with me since the couch is so uncomfortable.”

At that point, I replayed what he’d just said in my head.

I can’t do this, not now.

“Uh, no Nathaniel, I’m gonna head home. Besides, we have breakfast with the team tomorrow. We both need to get up early. Get some rest and sober up chap. I’ll turn the lock for you, no need to get up, G’nite.”

Before he could object, I left out of his flat.

Once I got back to my car, I leaned my head forward into the steering wheel.

What the fuck? I had him right there, I could have satisfied this desire, longing and then maybe it would’ve went away.

There I sat a few moments pondering what should have been. Nathaniel had left the door open for an encounter and I just literally shut it in his face.

As I started my engine, I thought about my stupidity. I hoped that the chance would present itself again since I had squandered this one away.

~*****~

The following morning, the team met at a local diner for breakfast. Once we got in, I saw Nathaniel chatting with Charlie, our goalie and captain. When our eyes met, he glared at me before turning his attention back to our teammate.

I pissed him off by not staying this morning.

To break the ice, I walked over to sit at their table.

“What’s up Madden? How was the date last night? Didn’t get a chance to ask you before you left,” Charlie said after gulping down his juice.

Nathaniel took a bite of his biscuit seemingly trying to ignore my presence.

“Erm not so good I’m afraid. She was a bit of a dunce. Too chatty a bird for me.” The waitress came over as I finished my sentence. I ordered my usual cereal with fruit.

“Ah well, good you saw that right away. You should’ve just stuck somethin’ in ‘er mouth, if you know what I mean,” he chuckled, before getting up. “I’ll be back. I wanted to ask the coach somethin.”

Once he walked away, Nathaniel didn’t even raise his head. I could tell he was still hurt.

Obviously, he wanted me to stay there.

Nervously, I tapped my fingers on the table. “Look Nathaniel, I’m sorry that I left so quickly, I…”

“Don’t worry about it Madden.” He cut me off, raising his hand. “I was just tryin’ to be hospitable. Didn’t want you drivin’ home inebriated is all.” He played with his fork while not meeting my gaze.

No I think it was more than that.

“I appreciate that but was there some other reason?” I took my cereal from the server.

Angrily, he tossed his utensil on the wood. “What would make you think that,” he snapped.

I put the first spoonful in my mouth. “Erm well you seem a little unhappy that I didn’t stay.”

“You're damn right. Madden, you act like you are so innocent, oblivious to whatever is goin’ on around you. I like you Madden, always have, always will,” he hissed while picking up a piece of fruit.

Now I know why he put his hand on my back.

“Nathaniel, let’s go outside and chat for a moment.” I rose while finishing the contents in my bowl.

“No Madden, there’s nothing to talk about. It’s obvious you don’t want this to transpire. It’s fine, we can still be friends. Just forget about it.”

The moment I was about to retort, Charlie walked back over.

“Alright, that’s settled. Madden looks as if you’re done with breakfast. You sure don’t eat much. As a matter of fact, you eat like a bird,” He laughed while taking another muffin from the basket.

Wryly, Nathaniel smiled at me as I put some money on the table and walked away.

I should’ve stayed last night but I just wasn’t ready for that to occur.

Thoughts of what he’d told me went through my head. He wanted me and accused me of being oblivious, maybe even naive.

Fuck Madden, it was there for you and you blew it. The chance to be with your close friend in bed. You longed for it and when the opportunity presented itself, you dismissed it, you coward.

Alone, I walked out the back door of the diner to the parking lot. I lay against the wall thinking of him. How I just hurt his feelings by being such an idiot.

Why do I care so much all of a sudden?

 I’m a straight man who wants to experience a gay encounter. If it never happens will it kill me?

Right then, I made up my mind this was no longer a big deal and that my emotions involving Nathaniel needed to be put in check. I liked women. I wanted to be married with children someday.

Although I was still for keeping my options open, I decided to put this incident with Nathaniel behind me. As long as I had our friendship, I would be content with that. We were brothers, teammates, and friends first.