Here is today's part from my free read, Out in Left Field.
Part One Part Two Part Three
The next few days, Nathaniel and I didn’t revisit the conversation we had at the breakfast table. Seemingly, he'd gotten over the feelings as he put them.
However, I hadn't. I kept thinking to myself what had I done. Although I had tried to reason that this wasn’t going to become an issue, that our friendship was more important, the longing for him didn’t go away.
I need to confront him about this.
After our match with Stoke City where we beat them 1-0, I waited for him once I finished showering. I had made sure that everyone left the locker room. The only person I didn’t see was Charlie, whom I assumed left right after since his things weren’t there.
I sat on the bench in front of his locker, twiddling my thumbs when I noticed that Charlie wasn’t gone. Not only that, he stepped out of the shower with Nathaniel, completely naked, kissing his lips like he was his lover.
What the fuck?
I had nowhere to run, all I could do is just watch in disbelief as Charlie held my friend, tight.
“What the hell is goin’ on here Nathaniel, Charlie?” I said to both of them who looked at me completely surprised by my presence.
“What’s up Roger. I know you don’t have a problem with this. Especially after you told me no.” Nathaniel glared at me.
“Yeah, well…I had no idea you would go after Charlie either. What did you need me for if he was what you desired?”
Charlie looked at Nathaniel, confused. “What’s goin’ on Nathaniel?”
“It’s nothin’ Charlie. I wanted Roger to be with me and he declined. Nothin’ to concern yourself over. You’re the one I want Charlie.” That moment, he took his head pulling him in for another kiss.
I shifted my feet before walking closer.
No, I can’t lose him completely, I care for him.
“Nathaniel, it was more than nothin’ and besides, I…I’ve reconsidered.”
Nathaniel and Charlie looked at me with surprise.
“It’s too late now Roger. You made your choice. You’ll have to live with it. You had no concern for my feelings, why have some now, especially since you left my flat in that manner the other night.”
Still, I stood there motionless. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
Charlie was gay?
I shook my head. “Nathaniel, I know I was a fuckin’ coward alright. I messed up.”
“Hmph well I guess you did, Charlie is with me now.” He paused then turned towards me. “God’s Roger, you’re such an idiot. The day before when you mentioned goin’ out with that chick Irene, I was so mad at you. I said your outfit didn’t work. Then, of course, I said if she had friends let me know. God knows I had no interest in them but I would put up the appearance to be near you, anything to be close with you.”
Charlie started getting dressed, sensing the tension between us.
“Roger you had your chance and blew it. You’re too busy worrying about who knows about your orientation to care for my feelings. And since you made that decision, I guess you’ll have to live with it.”
I’m not falling for Nathaniel already am I?
What am I to do? I knew I still wanted to be with women, deep down, but at that moment, I couldn’t bear to see Charlie with him.
“Nathaniel, look. Like I said, I do have feelings for you, always have but I wasn’t ready. Charlie ain’t no nancy.”
Charlie put his hand on Nathaniel's naked shoulder. “Well Madden, I like a little of both actually. Looks as if you’ve lost your chance with Nathaniel, yeah?” Charlie buried his head into Nathaniel's neck.
Still miffed at this situation, I cleared my throat. As much as I wanted to answer Charlie, all I could do was turn and walk out.
God’s what now?
* * * * *
Nathaniel meant what he said and I was too timid to answer Charlie’s probing question. When I arrived at my vehicle, I got in and sat back on the seat.
“Damnit, I’m such a fool. I want him but I’m just not prepared to admit my curiosity.” I hit the steering wheel making the horn sound loudly.
My thoughts were on what I’d saw. Unbelievable that Nathaniel and Charlie were involved.
That should have been me.
I started the car up, proceeding to drive. I could go home and do some soul searching. Either I would let go of my feelings for Nathaniel completely or I’d let him know that it wasn’t too late for me or us to have that experience.