Good morning. Here is a sample from Guardian Angel. My new release about the coming out the closet!
This is a story of coming out and accepting who you are. Remember, you are normal and you are not alone.
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“No one will ever love you or respect you. You can’t be Calvin Williams Jr. and be gay! You’ll be rejected; your family will never accept it!”
Alone in the driver’s seat, Calvin Williams squinted as warm tears streamed down his cheeks. His heart was so heavy he could hardly breathe. He stared at the forty-five caliber gun he took from his father’s lock box and licked the salty droplets from his lips. His mouth was dry like the Sahara, and perspiration formed on his brow despite the cool breeze seeping through the cracked window.
Calvin sucked in a huge amount of air, trying to compose himself. It’s for the best. They’ll never understand. They’ll hate you and make your life a living hell! “I know…I wanna die right now! I’m gonna do it…I’m gonna…”
Just as he stretched his shaky hand out, his cellphone vibrated in his jacket pocket, startling him. He gulped hard and wiped his hand with his sleeve. “Yeah.”
“Calvin?” A tired but concerned voice on the other end sounded through the handset.
“What is it, Brenda?” Calvin turned the key to shut off the ignition.
“Where are you, bro? Been calling you for the last two hours. Ever since you told me…”
“M’fine, sis. Just thinking, that’s all. I needed some time to myself, you know? To sort out things.”
“Calvin, it’s gonna be okay. I told you, you gotta tell mom and dad. They love you, they’ll…”
“No way,” Calvin shook his head vehemently. Just thinking about telling his father about his orientation made him shudder. “No, Bren. Dad makes jokes about homosexuals all the time, along with the rest of the men in our family. It’s probably already a dead giveaway since I like to cook and I’m not into sports.”
“Calvin, you stop that nonsense talk now! Plenty of men who aren’t gay cook and don’t like sports. We can get you someone to talk to. The counselors at school…”
“Brenda, all of them are good friends with dad. They’ll tell him, and I can’t have that!” Calvin slammed the steering wheel hard with his free hand before running it over his head. “I can’t do this, sis. I can’t be a Williams' man and be gay.”
“Yes you can, Calvin. Now, please, come home right now so we can talk a little more. I’ve been worried about you ever since we had the conversation a couple of days ago.”
That was most likely true. Brenda was the only person who knew about Calvin’s latest revelation. He knew he could trust Brenda not to tell anyone his secret.
Still, how long would that last? Would Brenda get so worried that she’d tell the counselors or their parents herself?
“Calvin? You still there?” Brenda’s voice trembled.
“Yeah, I’m coming upstairs. I just pulled into the driveway. Are mom and dad home?”
“No, they went to a church social with Pastor Leahy.”
And yet another person who couldn’t find out about Calvin’s orientation. Pastor Allan Leahy: aka Bible thumping, bigoted, preacher who constantly spoke against gays and lesbians, likening them to being children of Satan. Knowing how he spewed that constant hate from the pulpit, his parents would never accept the fact Calvin was gay. He was positive of that. Surely they’d want the pastor to interfere, to pray the gay away, or worse, send him off to one of those Christian camps they always sent sinning young people to. Calvin didn’t need that. He needed support, guidance, and someone to listen to his feelings.
With these adverse thoughts in his head, negative reactions from his parents and outsiders would do nothing but make him feel worse. Calvin knew he was on the edge, ready to end it all, and needed someone to pull him away.
“M’kay, be up in a bit. See ya.” Calvin slid his phone shut and placed it back in his pocket. His hands were still clammy and trembling from the thoughts in his head about pulling the trigger. Really, he wished there was another way to end it all. Pills? He hated taking them. Self-hanging? He wasn’t sure how to tie knots since he never went to Boy Scouts. At least with the hand gun it was simple to do. He’d been out to the range with his dad before. Animals and the targets at the shooting range had been his only victims. Never a human and it terrified him to turn the weapon on himself.
Despite this, he knew this was the simplest way to get out of this fate worse than death; being a gay man, make that a gay black man with Bible thumping parents who wouldn’t understand being born gay is okay. They had higher expectations for Calvin. To finish college with top honors, start his career, and then look for a suitable wife to bear them grandchildren in the near future. They’d said it many times and even tried to fix him up with young women at church.
No, Mr. and Mrs. Williams would never accept their son as a gay man. It was best to save himself the trouble of disappointing them.