Good morning. Here is a sample from Guardian Angel. My new release about the coming out the closet!
This is a story of coming out and accepting who you are. Remember, you are normal and you are not alone.
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Chapter
One
“No
one will ever love you or respect you. You can’t be Calvin Williams Jr. and be
gay! You’ll be rejected; your family will never accept it!”
Alone
in the driver’s seat, Calvin Williams squinted as warm tears streamed down his
cheeks. His heart was so heavy he could hardly breathe. He stared at the forty-five
caliber gun he took from his father’s lock box and licked the salty droplets
from his lips. His mouth was dry like the Sahara, and perspiration formed on
his brow despite the cool breeze seeping through the cracked window.
Calvin
sucked in a huge amount of air, trying to compose himself. It’s for the
best. They’ll never understand. They’ll hate you and make your life a living
hell! “I know…I wanna die right now! I’m gonna do it…I’m gonna…”
Just
as he stretched his shaky hand out, his cellphone vibrated in his jacket
pocket, startling him. He gulped hard and wiped his hand with his sleeve.
“Yeah.”
“Calvin?”
A tired but concerned voice on the other end sounded through the handset.
“What
is it, Brenda?” Calvin turned the key to shut off the ignition.
“Where
are you, bro? Been calling you for the last two hours. Ever since you told me…”
“M’fine,
sis. Just thinking, that’s all. I needed some time to myself, you know? To sort
out things.”
“Calvin,
it’s gonna be okay. I told you, you gotta tell mom and dad. They love you,
they’ll…”
“No
way,” Calvin shook his head vehemently. Just thinking about telling his father
about his orientation made him shudder. “No, Bren. Dad makes jokes about
homosexuals all the time, along with the rest of the men in our family. It’s
probably already a dead giveaway since I like to cook and I’m not into sports.”
“Calvin,
you stop that nonsense talk now! Plenty of men who aren’t gay cook and don’t
like sports. We can get you someone to talk to. The counselors at school…”
“Brenda,
all of them are good friends with dad. They’ll tell him, and I can’t have
that!” Calvin slammed the steering wheel hard with his free hand before running
it over his head. “I can’t do this, sis. I can’t be a Williams' man and be
gay.”
“Yes
you can, Calvin. Now, please, come home right now so we can talk a little more.
I’ve been worried about you ever since we had the conversation a couple of days
ago.”
That
was most likely true. Brenda was the only person who knew about Calvin’s latest
revelation. He knew he could trust Brenda not to tell anyone his secret.
Still,
how long would that last? Would Brenda get so worried that she’d tell the
counselors or their parents herself?
“Calvin?
You still there?” Brenda’s voice trembled.
“Yeah,
I’m coming upstairs. I just pulled into the driveway. Are mom and dad home?”
“No,
they went to a church social with Pastor Leahy.”
Oh
boy.
And
yet another person who couldn’t find out about Calvin’s orientation. Pastor
Allan Leahy: aka Bible thumping, bigoted, preacher who constantly spoke against
gays and lesbians, likening them to being children of Satan. Knowing how he
spewed that constant hate from the pulpit, his parents would never accept the
fact Calvin was gay. He was positive of that. Surely they’d want the pastor to
interfere, to pray the gay away, or worse, send him off to one of those Christian
camps they always sent sinning young people to. Calvin didn’t need that. He
needed support, guidance, and someone to listen to his feelings.
With
these adverse thoughts in his head, negative reactions from his parents and
outsiders would do nothing but make him feel worse. Calvin knew he was on the
edge, ready to end it all, and needed someone to pull him away.
“M’kay,
be up in a bit. See ya.” Calvin slid his phone shut and placed it back in his
pocket. His hands were still clammy and trembling from the thoughts in his head
about pulling the trigger. Really, he wished there was another way to end it
all. Pills? He hated taking them. Self-hanging? He wasn’t sure
how to tie knots since he never went to Boy Scouts. At least with the hand gun
it was simple to do. He’d been out to the range with his dad before. Animals
and the targets at the shooting range had been his only victims. Never a human
and it terrified him to turn the weapon on himself.
Despite
this, he knew this was the simplest way to get out of this fate worse than
death; being a gay man, make that a gay black
man with Bible thumping parents who wouldn’t understand being born gay is okay.
They had higher expectations for Calvin. To finish college with top honors,
start his career, and then look for a suitable wife to bear them grandchildren
in the near future. They’d said it many times and even tried to fix him up with
young women at church.
No,
Mr. and Mrs. Williams would never accept their son as a gay man. It was best to
save himself the trouble of disappointing them.
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