Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Family Reaction to My GAY writing

This is an interesting post which I'm sure that a lot of authors will relate to. How does your family react when you tell them you write erotica?

In my recent interview with Desmond Haas on the romance network, he asked me that question, to which I replied, well, my mom’s religious beliefs don’t really allow for me to talk about it. I mentioned my brother and my husband as well since they also know that I pen kink.

However, last night when my brother stopped by, before the snow storm, to say hello, he asked me about my writing and how it was going. I told him very well, then it prompted him to ask if I was published, to which I replied, yes.

Then the whopper. Okay well, what exactly do you write about?

(Dun dun dun) the music plays…

Oh I write gay erotica…

“Say what?” That, along with a laugh was his response. Okay, it wasn’t exactly that but I had to make it humorous. Kind of like one of those old sitcoms.

Anyway, this prompted the next questions. Why? What is it about gay sex do you find fascinating? Are you turned on by it? Okay, well I don’t know about you but I don’t really want to discuss my perversions with my brother. Eww… Not the fact that I write it, but that it arouses me? TMI.

I went on to answer the questions. I like writing about it because it is something different than vanilla hetero and since I love bending the rules, it is a big reason why I do it. I find it fascinating because I love writing about the emotion between two hot men, especially since males, in general, are told that they cannot show a lot of emotion. When they do they are tagged as gay or femme. My response to am I turned on, none, of your business son.

This conversation went on for several minutes, with the general conclusion of my brother saying, it’s strange for a married woman, mostly hetero, to write a gay story. Why is that? Why do I have to write about something I experience all the time? I’m married to a wonderful guy, my alter ego is a gay man, still looking for that special guy, what is so WRONG with that?

Nothing, I know, but, it brings up so many things, a couple of which I brought up to my brother. I will bring up only one. This is what’s wrong with the world, everyone thinks that something non hetero is strange and not acceptable. Other than the obvious, what is the differences with a man and woman in love, two men, or two women? Nothing! Gay couples go through the same issues as hetero couples do, in some cases more.

This was covered in my story, True Meaning of Love. (Of course I have to give myself a free plug.) London and Brandon have an argument about whose event is more important. Brandon gets mad at London because he feels he should be there for with him especially since London’s party at the nightclub will be attended by his assistant manager. Because of that, Brandon thinks that London should forego his own party and come to his art gallery event instead. Without giving away the rest of the story, this example could also be applied to a hetero relationship. In comparison, women always believe that their man should accompany them to some social events. I know I do... and we get mad if he finds another reason he thinks more important than that holiday party or the trip to a family gathering to stay away. Very similar right? It’s the same thing.

I don’t want to turn this into a rant because it is becoming just that and let me preface this by saying, I love my brother and I know he is no homophobe. However, this is one of the many reasons as to why it may take society a few lifetimes to fully accept same sex partnerships. Even if we don’t get it or understand it, we need to tolerate it.

Okay, breathe. Going back to the point. After we chatted, I let him see my author’s copy of Rock and Roll Over.(Another plug) I turned the page to my story, The Wretched: The Delicacies of Lust, Liquor, and Cannabis. I left him sitting there to read while I went back to my laptop. After he finished, he smiled, and said, hmm interesting. I still don’t get it. Do you write hetero or Lesbian?


Ah such is the life of a gay erotica writer; your family dealing with the fact that you put your kink out there to be sold, but here’s the thing, people love it. Whether we are straight or gay, old or young, black, white, Asian, Hispanic, we all have the things we like to read. And sometimes that may not be acceptable to the masses, but who lives through other people anyway? I certainly don’t.

So in conclusion, my brother now knows of my favorite genre. Will it get back to my mom, I’m sure it will but I’m not worried. Mom knows that I do the erotica but we’ve never discussed what type.

I write for myself, not worrying about if it's strange or acceptable to my family or friends. None of the best authors out there are concerned about what their relatives would think. I know a lot of us have day jobs and privacy issues to maintain so we do pennames. I have three not because I worry about what others will say but more because I have young children in school.

However, the main reason is, I do it for fun. My real name is a little too boring.

Thank you for listening… ;)


Blak Rayne Books said...

I can totally relate! Out of all my friends and family only one person had purchased my first novel. And I'll tell you this...I don't think it would matter what I write, they all give their (hushed) support because they're embarrassed and that's about it. The only people who cheer and openly brag are my daughter and my husband. That's why we as erotic authors have to support each other. Nice post! And you've got mine hun!

Rawiya said...

Thanks Blak! I really appreciate it. This is such a touchy subject. Its almost like damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I appreciate you reading and promoing for me on Twitter...

Desmond Haas said...

An interesting take on the subject. While my 86-year-old mother is my best supporter (and her octogenarian 'girls' as she calls them), my wife has yet to read any of my five books, but she says she is going to.

However, I noticed in your posting an interesting item. While you covered same sex relationships as being taboo in some quarters and you, personally, see it in the same way as hetero, you did have a problem discussing "your perversions with your brother."

Do you think that would be verbal incest (incest being another of the taboos)? Does it resonate with you that your reluctance to discuss this with your brother may be a reverse of wanting to be accepted by your family for what you write?

Now, I don't necessarily mean discussing all the ins and outs (yes, pen intended), but why is it you can't discuss what turns you on with your family? What would happen if you did? Do you think they would disown you?

By the way, this is not meant as an attack, but is food for thought for all of us, erotic writers included.

Rawiya said...

Oh it definitely is Desmond and thank you.

IDK, I would just feel weird discussing my turn-ons with my brother. I don;t really feel the need to be accepted. I know that my family would love me no matter what but it kinda icks me to have those discussions with him as it would my mom.

kind of, talking to Ma about sex. It would make me uncomfortable. I can do it with everyone else just not with Mom or Brother. ;D

Thank you for the response!

Nikola said...

Fabulous post! It turns out that m/m authors, although they are straight women, have to "come out" as well. :)

Avril Ashton said...

I love this post. So true. I write M/F but the sex scenes are graphic, the taboo is still there though not as pronounced. My better half doesn't care, his support is one hundred percent, and the kid is too small.

Theirs are the only opinions that really matter to me. I announce what I write loud and proud, erotic romance, no hesitation.

My dad and I are estranged and my mother is no longer alive but I think she would've been proud of me. She turned me onto those stories after all :) My siblings can't really understand how I love books so much, but they could care less about what genre I write. They're only too proud to boast about thier author-sibling.

Rawiya said...

LOL Nikola. I think we have. I am very proud to be an erotica writer but most importantly, an M/M erotica writer. not ashamed either...

Thanks for commenting and visiting!

Rawiya said...

Thx Avril.

I know what you mean. My hubby is very supportive of my writing. Loves that fact that I'm doing what I have always dreamed of and enjoy.

His opinion matters more than any.

Thx for the visit and comment. ;)