Welcome to the Saturday Sip.
Today, I'm previewing the story that will be next on my editor's desk.
It's the long version of Only When I Lose Myself where I continue the story of Adrian and his lover, Matthew.
The cover at left is my own I created so it's not official.
Again, this tale tells the story if a musician who fells in love with the janitor at a theater. What he learns about him will test their relationship in more ways than one.
Here's an excerpt:
A few days had passed since Adrian had run out of Matthew’s apartment in disgust. Contrary to what Matthew thought, the singer did not go back, in fact, he made himself completely unavailable to Matthew, not calling him, or picking up his phone calls.
was not even responding to the texts. Adrian
To make things even more difficult, the vocalist had dropped out of sight, all together. Since the shows were done at the Falcon, he had avoided the press completely; the only sights of him was footage of his last performances.
The town was looking for him too, reporting that the singer had just disappeared from the public eye, and could not be reached for any comments.
Matthew wondered if Adrian’s decision had anything to do with him. Despite the fact that things did not end well that night, he was still concerned.
Matthew missed Adrian. When Alex broke it off with him, it was easy for him to get over. Matthew had chalked up the loss of his ex to the fact that Alex could not deal with his disorder.
Adrian being gone, however, was different. The nights and affections they shared weighed heavily on his mind. Even when he tried to forget them, he still was having a problem doing so. Working at the theatre was not helping either since when all he saw, looking up on the stage was Adrian, singing to him, just as he had done at the final concert.
This was getting to him. He could not do anything without thinking of the world’s best entertainer of the moment, Adrian Vanderguard who was his lover, seemingly everyone’s dream.
* * * *
Adrian was at home, throwing himself into work. He had been given plenty of invitations to events but he turned them all down, letting people know that he was beginning to write for his next album.
That was true, however, Adrian didn’t reveal to anyone that he was woefully depressed. The discussion that he had with Matthew that other night was emotionally draining. He did not understand why Matthew did not want to fall in love with him. Still, his pride did not allow him to answer any of the phone calls from Matthew.
wanted to make sure that Matthew knew that he was in the bigger position, that he, Adrian Vanderguard, could not be lovesick over a common man, a janitor. Adrian
Moreover, Adrian felt that staying in New York for another two weeks wasn’t a great option if he were trying to rid his mind of the environmental engineer. He had decided that he would return to Dulwich by Friday. This would give him the chance to get everything cleared out before he departed.
Nevertheless, his mood did not stop him from inviting his favorite doctor over to spend time with him.
knew he was the only capable man that would make him forget his sorrows, and could possibly cure him physically and mentally. When Adrian called Ben, the doctor was delighted and said that he would be right over to chat with the singer with the possibility of doing more. Adrian did not tell Ben about Matthew being his patient. He thought it best to handle that in person. Adrian
sat on his couch in his pajama bottoms and a t-shirt, drinking a Starbuck’s latte, the door bell rang. The maid was the only person that Adrian had seen since he and Matthew broke it off. Adrian
“I’ll get it,” he called from the front room, running to the door.
opened it and was immediately hugged by Ben carrying a bouquet of flowers. Adrian
“Well, hello, gorgeous. You look and smell good as usual,” Ben followed Adrian into his high rise apartment. “I am so glad you called me.”
Adrian didn’t take the flowers, he just pulled Ben inside and shut the door. “Yeah, well don’t think this is a social call, I only called to fuck you because I need it.”
Ben stood there with the roses still in hand. The doctor chuckled, “What’s wrong, baby? Why are you in a bad mood?”
Adrian glared at the psychiatrist. “Ben I don’t need you to psychoanalyze me right now, I need you undressed, your legs spread, ready for me to fuck the shit out of you…now…” Adrian glared at him starting to move towards the bedroom. Ben still did not move.
“Honey, I’m your therapist as well as your lover…”
“You’re not my love Ben, don’t get that shit twisted. You are my fuck buddy, and nothing more.”
Ben began to laugh, “Hunny, I been doing some thinking since we last chatted. You were right about me trying to save my rep but, I…I can’t be without you, baby. I want to be with you…my wife doesn’t satisfy me like you do.”
Adrian sighed, crossing his arms. “I don’t want a relationship anymore Ben. No one is willing to change themselves for me so why should I hand out my heart, hmm?” “Ohhh…Adrian, no, c’mon. That’s not how I feel anymore. I have the papers with me, babe.” Ben handed Adrian the flowers, “Here honey, look…”
Adrian snatched them from Ben, shaking them out. When he looked at them his eyes widened. He turned his attention from the paper to Ben’s expression.
Adrian bit his lip, he shook his head in disbelief. “What, Ben…you…”
“Yep, I did baby, I want you, love. I’m changing my life just as you asked”
Adrian began to cry. “Oh my God, Ben, you do…you…” Adrian reached out for the doctor, grabbing him tightly as the tears started to fall from his eyes. Gone were the thoughts about Matthew. His doctor was now the one. “Ben, you do really care.”
Ben grinned, “Yes Adrian, you’re mine. I’m ready to be yours.”
The singer pulled away from Ben. “Then come with me to Britain. Take some time off.”
Ben nodded, “Okay. I just need to return to meet with the lawyer. How long will we be gone?”
“Okay. I can do that. I was going to give up my office to my partner anyway. As long as you want baby, whatever it takes.” Ben dragged his fingers against
’s face. Adrian
Adrian grinned, “Oh God, Ben…” Adrian kissed Ben’s lips before embracing him once more. “I love you, Ben…tell me you love me…”
Ben looked intoThe two men shared another kiss before Adrian led Ben Delaney to his master bedroom. The thoughts of Matthew were now a distant memory as Adrian got what he wanted; his date, his lover before Valentine’s Day
’s eyes. “I do love you, more than anything or anyone else in this world. You are the only man for me, you know? I can’t be without you, Adrian.” Adrian