Thursday, November 29, 2012

Day 10 Michael's 70K Bash Shannon West

Good morning. Please welcome Shannon West to our party today!

Everyone who has ever waited for any length of time in a public government agency waiting room knows what horrors they will endure as they wait for their number to be called. Anyone who has not visited such a waiting room is an anomaly, but is also one of the six luckiest people on Earth.   If, by some chance you are one of these fortunate souls, I will attempt to describe for you some of the sights and some of the things to avoid at all costs should you ever have occasion to visit one.

First of all, there is a law on the books of the state and, I believe, the federal government, that a public building shall be as dreary and soulless as anyone can make it.   The walls will be gunmetal gray, or possibly green, gaily decorated with an insouciant sprinkling of graffiti.   Definitely the highlight of a typical trip to the waiting room is the graffiti. You'll see at least a few random curse words, a phone number or two, some artwork, and a suggestion that you do something to yourself that will be anatomically impossible.  The chairs will be plastic, cracked and stained with nameless substances and riddled with discarded chewing gum, strategically and artfully stuck up under the seats and arm rests.  These seats will be jammed together so that you can be cheek and jowl with your neighbors, one of whom will be someone who has just eaten a hearty meal, consisting largely of garlic and onions.

The restrooms:  Do not use the restrooms at the Social Security office unless you are on fire or in the zombie apocalypse--or only if you are truly desperate to the point where you are having religious visions, seeing Jesus and you don’t have a cup in your car.

The people you will encounter there will be a delightful mixture of the following types:
The Bible Thumper-these folks are convinced we’re in the “end times” and will quote you several Bible verses to prove it.  Sometimes little flecks of spit shoot out of their mouths.  They will require immediate action on your part.  Get up and move. If they follow you, get up and move again.

Talkers - complete strangers who will talk to you even if you are ignoring them. These often come disguised as innocuous little old ladies. Don’t be taken in.  Do not engage them in conversation, trying to be nice.  They will hook you in and the next thing you know they’ll be showing you their gallbladder operation scars.
Phonetalkers - Texting or using mobile devices is fine. Sometimes it may save what’s left of your sanity. However, there are people who find it necessary to share their conversations with everyone else in the room, usually while talking to their defense attorney or their ex.   These are loudtalkers.  (you know who you are)
The Intoxicated - The drunk and/or stoned are 100% more likely to contribute to the previously described hazards listed above. Avoid them at all costs.

Keep this guide handy and refer to it often.  If anyone tries to speak to you, hold your cell phone to your ear and nod occasionally as if you were in deep conversation.  If they persist, point to it and shrug apologetically. Get your business done and get out as quickly as possible, and once you get home, wash your hands thoroughly.  Don’t be afraid to use bleach.  If you ignored my advice and used the restroom, burn all your clothes immediately.

If you have any further guideline I can add to my list, please list below and I’ll randomly select two suggestions and reward your good deed with a free pdf copy of my latest release, Wolfbane.  Thanks, guys, and be careful out there.

Blurb: This is the Dark Hollows Wolf Pack Series, by the way, and it has been a bestselling series on Amazon, Siren, ARe and SCP. This is the 5th in the series.
Evan Grant, a security guard in the Hunters’ prison, is anxious to prove himself with the group. A new prisoner arrives, and Evan feels an immediate attraction. The shifter is Brett, the most handsome man Evan’s ever seen, and the tortures the Hunters have put him through touch Evan’s heart. Bringing him pain medicine and food, he makes a strong connection with the handsome shifter. His attraction is overwhelming, and it becomes even more difficult when the Hunters’ scientists ask him to volunteer to mate with the shifter so they can study the bloodmatch. He agrees to the experiment only after the scientists promise nothing can go wrong, but after Evan mates with Brett, he overpowers the guards and escapes, taking Evan with him. It doesn’t take long to discover Evan’s the newest “pet” of the Mountain Wolf Pack, and Brett is his new master.

Buy links: Secret Cravings Publishing--


gigi said...

Take a new book (or 5) along!!!

Anonymous said...

I would say bring a iPod with earphones and close your eyes. If you don't own one (which I don't), close your eyes anyway and take a rest nap because your brain just gets too bored with reading and waiting. You won't be truly asleep but you'll feel a bit more rested.

Be sure to clutch your bag/purse/belongings tight to your body with both arms in front though. Bring an ereader or whatever device so that you can read or cruise the web.

Bring a snack and a bottle of water. Never know how long the wait may be. Nothing is worse to be straving on top of being cranky and tired when you're done there.

Anonymous said...

Sorry! Forgot to add my email address.
strive4bst(At) yahoo(Dot) com

Anonymous said...

To clarify - when clutching your belongings is when you are closing your eyes. But, always best to have your purse etc close by and keeping an eye on them when you're reading, texting, talking on the phone anyway.

strive4bst(At) yahoo(Dot) com

Debby said...

Hmmm now I used to work for Social Security. We did attract all kinds.
debby236 at gmail dot com

Anonymous said...

At the DMV, I recommend yelling"Bingo!" when they finally call your number (results may vary).


Urb said...

When I go to the Social Security office, I have a large MM paperback with me, some turquoise Doc Martens, and a scowl. I look like one of the people other people try to avoid.

brendurbanist at gmail dot com