The winner of the 5GC and a book from my backlist is
*drum roll*
Lady Unwritten!
Big congrats
And the winner of the grand prize was Shirley Ann
Thanks to everyone who commented!
Showing posts with label ebooks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ebooks. Show all posts
Friday, April 25, 2014
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Book Cover Reveal Silvia Violet
Book Name: If Wishes Were Horses
Author Name: Silvia Violet
Author Bio: Silvia Violet writes erotic romance in a variety of genres including paranormal, contemporary, sci fi, and historical. She can be found haunting coffee shops looking for the darkest, strongest cup of coffee she can find. Once equipped with the needed fuel, she can happily sit for hours pounding away at her laptop. Silvia typically leaves home disguised as a suburban stay-at-home-mom, and other coffee shop patrons tend to ask her hilarious questions like "Do you write children's books?" She loves watching the looks on their faces when they learn what she's actually up to. When not writing, Silvia enjoys baking sinfully delicious treats, exploring new styles of cooking, and reading to her incorrigible offspring.
Author Links:
Website: http://silviaviolet.com
Facebook: http://facebook.com/silvia.violet
Twitter: http://twitter.com/Silvia_Violet
Goodreads page: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/21899380-if-wishes-were-horses
Book page on my website (with excerpt): http://silviaviolet.com/book/if-wishes-were-horses/
Twitter: @Silvia_Violet
Cover Artist: LC Chase
Publisher: Self-Published
Blurb(s):
Kenneth Carver had everything growing up except warmth and acceptance. When protecting his family’s name became more than he could bear, he came out as gay, sold his company, and bought a horse ranch.
Andrew Wofford's last undercover assignment nearly cost him his sanity. Now he has another chance of catching the drug runner who killed one of his informants and then escaped, but gruesome flashbacks threaten his ability to function in the field.
Andy’s latest investigation sends him to Ken’s ranch where he poses as a ranch hand. Ken is a prime suspect, but Andy refuses to believe Ken is guilty, in part because Andy is falling for him. Ken knows Andy isn’t who he seems, but he can’t bring himself to push the man away. When Ken hears rumors that someone is using his land to move drugs out of the city, he worries that it’s Andy. Neither man can trust the other even though that’s exactly what their hearts tell them to do.
Excerpts (if needed): (See Silvia’s website)
Tour Dates: April 24th, 2014
Tour Stops:
3 Chicks After Dark
Amanda C. Stone
Book Reviews, Rants, and Raves
Cate Ashwood
Fallen Angel Reviews
Havan Fellows
Ramblings of a Dreamy Winter
Kimi-Chan
Leann’s Book Reviews
Lee Brazil
Love Bytes
MM Goodbooks
Parker Williams
Prism Books
The Hat Party
Dawn’s Reading Nook
CONTEST: Advance copy of If Wishes Were Horses (2 days before general release)
a Rafflecopter giveaway
Friday, March 21, 2014
Welcome Chris T Kat
Good morning. Please welcome fellow Wednesday briefer, Chris T Kat for an interview to promo her newest book, The Wolf and His Diva.
How long have you been writing?
I wrote as a kid and young teenager, but dropped
this hobby because other things became more important. I picked it up again in
2008.
Before you started, had you done any fanfiction?
If so, what fandom?
Yes, I did! That's what got me into writing
again. :) I started out in the House MD fandom, then wrote a bit in the Live
Free or Die Hard fandom and also in the White Collar fandom. I also
wrote one story in The Sentinel fandom and a couple of drabbles for the
Manga Fake and the TV show Stargate SG 1. I loved writing
fanfiction and would do it again if a show or movie would really catch my
interest.
Are you in agreement that writing fanfiction is a
great way to practice ones craft, why or why not?
Yes, I am. It was a great way to start,
especially because the characters were well-known and the settings/locations
too. I could concentrate on the characters or the plot or just write about them
having sex.
;-) Although I admit freely that I didn't belong to those
fanfiction writers who view canon as something holy. Most of all I wrote was AU
(alternative universes).
What is your favorite subgenre to write?
I enjoy a lot of subgenres and it really depends
on my mood. Still, my favorite subgenre to write is the paranormal genre,
especially shape-shifters. I love writing about my guys changing into animals.
Often I have them change into babies because that increases the cute-factor to
the max.
Would you ever write a hetero romance? Why or why
not?
I would. I like pretty much everything under the
sun. As long as the characters and the setting are interesting, I'm game. If
I'd write a hetero romance, I'd probably go for an older woman and a younger
man. I haven't had much luck in finding these kind of stories, so if anyone has
any recs, please tell me about them. :)
Your first published book?
My first published book is Seizing It.
Dreamspinner Press published it in April 2012. In this story, veterinary
assistant Nikita (“Kit”) Jenkins meets Dale Miller. Kit suffers from epilepsy,
and also from the aftereffects of an abusive relationship. He has a hard time
opening up to Dale, even though he falls head over heels in love with him.
What are you working on now?
At the moment, I'm
wrapping up my first science fiction story. Honestly, if I'd known I'd have
such a blast writing a sci-fi story, I'd have done so a long time ago. Of
course that story features aliens, as well as a snarky main character who falls
head over heels in love even though he doesn't want to—not at all. There's lots
of suspense and action involved, and as soon as I'm done with the first novel,
I'll start on the second.
If you write gay romance or erotica, just how
descriptive are youin their sex scenes?
I write sex scenes that fade to black, but also
explicit scenes. It depends on my mood and the development in the story, which
kind of scenes it contains.
Do you
believe it’s important for you to know the gender of the author?
Honestly?
I don't care at all. I've never cared about the gender of an author. As long as
the story grabs me, all is well in my world.
What promotional method works best for you?
I'm really not sure which method works best. My
first book did really well and I didn't promote it at all. For other books, I
used paid blog tours and some worked very well while others didn't help with
sales at all. I'm still trying to find a good way for me. At the moment, it's a
combination of guest blogging on other author blogs and review sites (sometimes
including giveaways) and occasionally buying ad space on different websites.
Your favorite gay celeb?
Matt Bomer! He's such a pretty guy, and from
everything I've read about him, he seems to be a very nice man too.
Do you feel that celebs who are gay or bi should
come out of the closet?
Celebs should be treated with the same courtesy
as everyone else. If they want to keep their sexual orientation private, that's
fine with me. I think we should always respect a person's privacy.
For the men in your books, commando or underwear?
Most of them wear underwear because it's more fun
for me to write about them undressing each other. ;-)
Favorite character in one of your books?
For a long time that has been Riley in Silver
Lining. Now I'd have to say it's Billy in The Wolf and His Diva.
Both characters are different from each other but they both love their partners
above anything else.
Buy links:
Blurb:
George Owens is comfortable with his life just the way
it is. A wolf- and fox-shifter, George leads a reclusive lifestyle with his
energetic and diva-ish mate Billy, a fox-and squirrel-shifter.
George has no desire to take over leadership of the pack,
despite his father’s wishes. Edward Owens is feeling his age and wants to make
sure the pack is in good hands should he not be able to win his next challenge.
However, George is adamant that he wants no part of it.
But events rock George from his complacency, and he
realizes he has to take a stand and fight for what he cares about. If he
remains in the past and cannot change in order to do what he must, he risks
losing everything he loves.
Excerpt:
Billy
pushed George’s face away and stepped aside. For a moment, George watched him
nose the ground and paw at the snowflakes sticking to his snout. George sighed
inwardly before turning his gaze back to their house, gauging how long it would
take them to clear a path until they could open the front door.
Paytime! Billy squalled.
George
jerked his head around, but before he could do anything, Billy had already
tackled him to the ground. He oomphed but played along, relieved Billy
obviously wasn’t too put out by the prospect of snow shoveling.
They
tussled in the snow, enjoying their time together. When Billy’s playful bites
became too much for George, he shook him off easily.
It’s
not fair that you always win!
Billy complained.
But
I’m the big bad red fox!
Uh,
big bad red fox? You got something wrong there. Isn’t it the big bad wolf?
George
growled in response and shifted into his other animal form—a large, dark-gray
wolf. It always amused him to see Billy’s reaction—a surprised yelp and a jump
backward.
This
time Billy’s yelp turned into a helpless gasp. George blinked several times,
trying to clear his vision. For whatever reason, shifting from one animal to
another played havoc with his eyesight. When he finally had a clear view again,
he stared ahead, trying to understand what was happening.
Billy
scrabbled for purchase on the frozen ground, his eyes wide in fear. Nothing he
did stopped him from sliding down the slope of the hill faster and faster.
George gasped when Billy gave up the fight against gravity, curled himself into
a tight ball and shot down the steep hillside.
Chris T. Kat
Chris T. Kat lives in the middle of Europe, where she shares a house
with her husband of many years and their two children. She stumbled upon the
M/M genre by luck and was swiftly drawn into it. She divides her time between
work, her family—which includes chasing after escaping horses and lugging
around huge instruments such as a harp—and writing. She enjoys a variety of
genres, such as mystery/suspense, paranormal, and romance. If there's any spare
time, she happily reads for hours, listens to audiobooks or does cross stitch.
Links:
Friday, February 14, 2014
Power of Gay Love Bloghop - CONTEST
My
topic is the appeal of twin love or twincest which derives from the word incest.
Yeah I know, you think it’s yucky. Sex between family members is totally taboo.
I used to think this and actually some of the “cest” still doesn’t do it for me
but it’s something about twins, especially twin men that makes it hot as hell.
Why?
Two men who look exactly alike in most cases and they’re making love to one another.
It’s like having sex with yourself with a mirror nearby. *giggles* Yes that’s
how I view it. Not that long ago, I didn’t see myself actually writing it but
then, a reader came to me and requested a story. You might know her, Judie S,
who is also known as Honey Bunny. At times she does promo for several authors
and when I started writing as Michael Mandrake almost 3 years ago, she put a
request in the comments on my blog to write a twincest story. I was really
flattered that someone was reading my freebie and asking me to write a story,
then I said, twincest? OMG, how can I do that? I worried about how I’d do it
and what kind of story. Most of all, I was challenging my own moralities sort
of speak because I’d always been taught any kind of incest is wrong. But if
we totally went by the “book” then every erotica book would be banished right?
Seems that way with how retailers are going after erotica authors but that’s
another topic for another day.
 |
| Mon Frere #1 |
Going
back to my point, it took me awhile to get around to it. Not only because of my
own fears but also the books I was working on. Michael was pretty prolific when
I first started writing under him. Now, he fades back in the shadows and waits
his turn but when me and the muse discussed doing an erotica story, he jumped
at the chance. Although he is usually the least “sexual” muse, he loved the
idea of tapping into a taboo fantasy of twin brothers in love. And when we
finally talked to Judie, Ryland and Ryder Durand were born. Twin vamps who are
identical but with different personalities. Ryland is the more conservative,
stuffy, and timid character while Ryder is ragged, bold, and fearless. In the
story, you can clearly tell by their speech and their dress how different they
are. I’m sure this happens in real life too and being immortal is what makes
them special.
 |
| Mon Frere #3 |
So
what is the appeal? Love between brothers, hot scorching love and sex. The vampire
thing makes it easy too and even though they aren’t human, they wrestle with
the fact it isn’t accepted but hey, it happens in books and in real life. I
wanted to bring that reality to my tale and I hope I succeeded. Ryland and
Ryder are on their fourth book with one more to go. And thanks to Judie as well as awesome authors like
Lee Brazil and Sage Whistler, I was able to do this series with confidence.
So,
if you’re into erotica, any kind, don’t dismiss some subgenres quickly just
because it seems yucky. I’ve read
some other “cests” since then and I enjoyed a few. I learned to expand my mind
as a reader and author, and because of that, I created a story I’m very proud
of.
What
about you? What are some of the taboos in fiction you’ll never touch? Is
twincest one of them and if so, tell me why. Thanks for listening.
Once again, Sara York has created an awesome cover.
Mon Frere: Facing Our Fears should be released in the next couple of weeks.
To check out a preview, please click this link
And if you haven't read the series, please buy them from ARe and Smashwords. Amazon has banned two of the books, #1 and #3. #2 is still up but you must read all three to follow the series!
CONTEST ALERT Alright then. I do have a contest. A randomly picked commenter wins 10 ARe bucks and all 4 ebooks in the Ryland and Ryder series. So that means when book four is done in a couple of weeks, you'll be the first to have it. So comment away and good luck!
Check out the other awesome bloggers here
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Friday, December 20, 2013
Thursday, December 19, 2013
10 Days of Xmas Day Five - Michael Mandrake
Morning
So Day Five is mine
The winner will receive an ebook from our backlist and swag from N'awlins Exotica
The question is: Two characters of mine share the same profession. Name that profession and the characters.
That's a toughie and no multiple choice for you. I'll give you a hint. One of the twins from Mon Frere is one of them, but what does he do?
Good luck on that one!
Ryland and Ryder Durand’s loving relationship is in danger of being severed.
Ryland, the mild mannered twin, has feelings for a human by the name of Dale Mooney, an unemployed singer who needs to start making money to support his terminally ill mother. Though Ryder is upset about Ryland’s thoughts to have a third, he plays along in hopes the human won’t want to be involved with the two vamps, leaving them alone as he wants.
However, Ryland’s fierce desire for Wade stands in the way of Ryder’s plan, driving both into fits of rage that ends up in drag out fights. Not to mention, another vampire lurks in the shadows to catch them off guard and kill them for his own revenge. These issues threaten to drive the twins apart and break the commitment they’ve consummated in such a short period of time. Can their love survive the tension of another lover and a demon stalking them?
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
10 Days of Xmas - Day Three Michael Mandrake
Greetings
My turn to join the party
And my question is, name my characters from my first book!
A: Brandon and Larry
B: Brendan and Luscious
C: Brandon and London
D: Brad and David
Winner gets an ebook from my backlist and a gift from N'awlins Exotica
Blurb: New Orleans is supposed to be the big easy. One night changes everything for Frankie Choteau.
New Orleans. A city rich in tradition, diversity, and on the comeback trail from hurricane Katrina. Francois “Frankie” Choteau, a resident of this town, a cop with a hot temper and low tolerance for bs. Kajika Fortier, a transplant from Oklahoma came here looking for a dream and unfortunately it’s turned into a nightmare. On a hot summer night, they meet and cross paths during a very difficult situation. Despite this, the attraction between them is evident and loneliness for both men is a fate worse than death. They’d both like a chance at happiness but will the circumstances and Frankie’s uneasiness prevent their happy ever after?
Here's a sexy scene for you. I loved writing it!
Bass line started, the
white light shone over a tall muscular figure dressed all in black, with a
fedora and overcoat. The music cued and Frankie recognized the tune
immediately.
“I Get So Lonely, by Janet Jackson. Wow, Kajika!” His eyes affixed
to the platform, he stared at the man walking slowly to the front. The crowd
still yelling and whooping at the sight of this gorgeous individual.
With the first part of the
song, Kajika slid from the left to the right, moving along with the rhythm. His
body tensed up to perform the moves. Kajika waved his arms and puffed out his
chest.
I
remember that dance back in the day.
Kajika removed his hat,
revealing his gorgeous, slanty eyes, and the audience lost it. Immediately,
women and men lined up on the sides, money in hand, ready to give it to him
once he stripped off the layers. That included all the older women at the table;
one of them, with a walker, scooted quickly to take her place.
A stunned Frankie
looked on, mesmerized by Kajika and his expert moves. His timing and rhythm
perfect with Janet. He looked as if he were in the video along with her. A hush
filled the room, everyone in the same haze as Frankie while they stared at him,
seemingly waiting for the first piece of clothing to fly off. In a matter of seconds,
he gave them what they wanted, throwing the hat and coat, revealing the
beautiful face and black hair in a long ponytail.
That
body!
“Ahhh! Oh my God,
Kajika! I wanna have your babies!” A woman screamed from the center stage,
holding a fifty in her hand, waving it in his direction.
Kajika stalked her like
she was his prey and danced his way down to accept the gift. He rolled his hips
and pressed his body against hers, nuzzling her neck, and smiling the whole
time.
She gave him the bill gladly
and stayed there, frozen, while he continued his routine. He held up one finger
and when the song chorus hit again, he tore his pants off, tossing them to her
as a souvenir.
At first sight of those
tanned legs the crowd yelled again, calling out to him. Frankie’s breaths
quickened and his dick jutted against his own trousers. He’d seen the upper
half of that body nude and now, except for the underwear, he was seeing more.
“Whoa!” Frankie
couldn’t believe his eyes. He finished his beverage. The bitter taste did
nothing to curb his thirst, it only coated it. He knew the only thing to quench
it completely lay in front of him. “Kajika, ooh…” Frankie shook his head,
amazed at how well the man could dance.
Where
did he learn to do all this?
How does a small town
Oklahoma boy learn to do all these moves? He didn’t mention dance school or any
formal training and yet he performed as if he should be on one of the dance
shows on TV.
Expecting more, the
lady stayed in the front and Kajika rolled his body down to her level again,
bending backwards for her to rub it. She did and it instantly made Frankie very
jealous but he knew Kajika had to satisfy this woman since she tipped him well.
To add insult to Frankie’s injury, Kajika’s brown eyes met her gaze and his
lips collapsed on top of hers while he held her head close to his own.
Fuckin
hot!
The crowd went nuts
looking on, most likely wishing they were in this woman’s place right now.
“Ooh God, take me with
you!” The woman bellowed and held onto him, not allowing Kajika to move.
He kissed her again and
pulled away quickly. Kajika somersaulted backward and landed on the floor, once
the midpoint of the song ended. While still there, Kajika pressed his body
against it and did pushups, showing his strength and stamina. He arched his
body again and looked up at the ceiling, rolled his neck around, and jumped up
once more. This time he tore off his shirt and tie, allowing the light brown
chest with perky nipples and outtie navel to make an appearance. Again, the
crowd roared while Janet wailed in the background. Now, only covered with the G-string,
Kajika cartwheeled before sliding on his knees to the front of the stage,
allowing the women and men to touch all over him, throwing money, pushing cash
between the strings.
In a daze, Frankie
looked on, not knowing what had hit him. Lust filled his mind. His engorged
cock ready to spring free he continued to keep his eyes on Kajika and his
adoring fans. He wished he could rescue him from the mauling, but he looked to
be handling it quite well on his own. “Damn, baby.” Frankie marveled at the
moves some more and when Kajika released the hair from the rubber band, his
heart thumped in his chest.
“You go, Kaj!” Naomi
yelled out next to him, clapping loudly.
Kajika only nodded in
her direction and spun on his toes at the end of the song. Bills all around
him, he did one more move then strolled toward the edge of the stage, gazing
out at the crowd with hungry eyes. More music started, this time another song
with JJ’s voice that Frankie loved. Finally, he recalled they talked about
their favorite music and how both agreed that Janet would be the only woman
they’d want to sleep with.
You
did it for me? This made Frankie feel special. Now he
wanted to show his appreciation in a different manner. “Gonna make your body
wet…” Frankie sang along and snapped his fingers to the beat. Kajika’s eyes met
Frankie’s and, at that moment, Frankie wanted to grab him off the platform and
fuck his brains out.
Instead, he watched him
come off the stage and toss his shoes to the side. With the music still going,
he slinked up to Frankie, taking a place on his lap. Kajika raked his own hair
with his hands and shook it out until it cascaded over his broad shoulders. He
traced the outlines of Frankie’s face with his fingertips.
“Ooh…shii…” Frankie
froze, not able to move a muscle with Kajika this close in proximity to him.
Mouth dry like the Sahara, he moistened his lips and eyed the pretty man while
he gyrated on him and wrapped his arms around Frankie’s shoulders.
“I want you so bad,
Frankie,” he hissed and traced his ear with his tongue.
Fuck.
Just the voice, coupled
with his movements, caused Frankie to spurt in his pants. He closed his eyes,
envisioning them in bed together, enjoying each other. It was sex without even
removing his clothes while Kajika was almost naked in his arms. And although
the club was filled to the brim, loud people chanting his name, Frankie could
only see Kajika on his lap, feel the hard and muscled body under his fingers.
Seemingly everyone disappeared for that minute and he grasped Kajika’s
buttocks, pressing him down onto his crotch.
Passion brewing between
them they were in the midst of a heated exchange. Kajika softly kissed his
lips, their tongues tangled in a hot embrace.
“I want you too!”
Frankie forgot all about what was occurring around them, including the older
women behind them yelling and clapping loudly. He reciprocated the kiss, then again,
they explored each other’s mouths with reckless abandon until both stopped abruptly,
and looked at each other, starry-eyed.
“Be right back,” Kajika
whispered and pressed his lips onto Frankie’s once more before hopping off and
jumping back on stage. With the music ending, he dropped to the floor and
rolled once again, to give the people a chance to maul him.
All Frankie could do
was stand there and watch. “Good God, Kajika. You are−”
Despite his dick’s
response to Kajika, Frankie remained hard as a rock. His own nipples pebbled
under his silk shirt and the adrenaline raced through him like an electric
current.
Damn,
baby.
Kajika Fortier was
indeed the star of this place. If the crowd reaction didn’t prove that, nothing
would.
Still gawking, Frankie
clapped along with the other audience members showing their appreciation for
Kajika’s performance. He wondered how on earth anyone would be able to top what
just went on there at N’awlin’s Entertainment over the last ten or so minutes.
If there were someone
to come behind Kajika, they wouldn’t be able to best that. This Frankie was
sure of. And now, he wished to have this pretty man all to himself, to ravage
the rest of the evening.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Winner of the LASR contest
My winner for the Halloween LASR contest was Amy
She won a 5GC and a copy of TM and TM2
Congrats to her!
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Winner for the Slippery When Wet Hop
My winner is Lisa
Big congrats
She wins a 5GC, Vertigo, and a prize from N'awlins Exotica!
Monday, September 16, 2013
Where are the muses?
All 4 of us will be at the TRS Anniversary party this week
Please stop by and join us!
Sunday, September 15, 2013
I Heart Books Author Takeover
Greetings
At 6pm CST the muses which includes me will be at I Heart Books
Posts and promo galore
I'll do a prize package with swag (postcards, a 15 GC, and necklace from I Like Em Pretty Bk tour and a special gift thrown in) To qualify,you must LIKE my author page https://www.facebook.com/TheLiteraryTriad and or my Nawlins Ex page https://www.facebook.com/pages/Nawlins-Exotica-Series/126864880830524
Please join us there and comment!
Also, thank you for the comments for the Suicide Blog Hop
I'll be donating 25 to Trevor Project this week!
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Guardian Angel - Michael Mandrake
Blurb: Calvin is looking to end it all
because he feels his family won't accept him as a gay man. Unbeknownst to him,
someone is watching, looking to pick him up and rescue him from his negative
state. Can Calvin get help before it’s too late?
This is a story of coming out and accepting who you are. Remember, you are normal and you are not alone.
Amazon
OmniBooks
Smashwords
RainbowEbooks
This is a story of coming out and accepting who you are. Remember, you are normal and you are not alone.
Amazon
OmniBooks
Smashwords
RainbowEbooks
Chapter
One
“No one will ever love you or
respect you. You can’t be Sam Carroll Junior and be gay! You’ll be rejected,
your family will never accept it!”
Samuel
squinted. Warm tears streamed down his face, staining his cheeks. With a heavy heart and a lot on his mind, he
sat in the driver’s side seat of his car, alone, looking at the forty-five
caliber gun he took from his father’s lock box. Sammy blinked back the small
droplets and licked his lips. Right now, his mouth was dry like the Sahara and
perspiration formed on his brow even with the cool breeze seeping through the
cracked window.
Sammy
tried to get his wits about him, and give himself some courage. Inner strength.
It’s for the best. They’ll never
understand. They’ll hate you and make your life a living hell! “I know…I
wanna die right now! I’m gonna do it…I’m gonna…”
Just
when he stretched his shaky hand out, his cellphone startled him, stopping him from
grabbing the weapon. He gulped hard, wiped his hand with his sleeve, and
plucked the phone from his inside jacket pocket. “Yeah.”
“Sammy?”
A tired but concerned voice on the other end sounded through the handset.
“What
is it, Brenda?” Samuel turned the key in the ignition until the engine shut
down.
“Where
are you, bro? Been calling you for the last two hours. Ever since you told me…”
“M’fine,
sis. Just thinking, that’s all. I needed some time to myself, you know? To sort
out things.”
“Samuel,
it’s gonna be okay. I told you, you gotta tell mom and dad. They love you, they’ll…”
“No
way,” Sammy shook his head vehemently and interrupted his sister. Just thinking
about telling his father about his orientation made him shudder. “No, Bren. Dad
makes jokes about homosexuals all the time along with the rest of the men in
our family. It’s probably already a dead giveaway that I like to cook and I’m
not into sports.”
“Sammy,
you stop that nonsense talk now! Plenty of men who aren’t gay cook and don’t
like sports. We can get you someone to talk to. The counselors at school…”
“Brenda,
all of them are good friends with dad. They’ll tell him and I can’t have that!”
Sammy slammed the steering wheel hard with his free hand before running it through
his scalp. “I can’t do this, sis. I can’t be a Carroll man and be gay.”
“Yes
you can, Sammy. Now please, come home right now so we can talk a little more.
I’ve been worried about you ever since we had the conversation a couple of days
ago.”
That
was most likely true. Brenda was the only person who knew about Sammy’s latest
revelation. He knew he could trust Brenda not to tell anyone his secret.
Still,
how long would that last? Would Brenda get so worried that she’d tell the
counselors or their parents herself?
“Sammy?
You still there?” Brenda asked quickly.
“Yeah,
I’m coming upstairs. I just pulled into the driveway. Are mom and dad home?”
“No,
they went to a church social with Pastor Leahy.”
Oh boy.
And
yet another person who couldn’t find out about Sammy’s orientation. Pastor
Allen Leahy aka bible thumping, bigoted, preacher who constantly spoke against
gays and lesbians being children of Satan. Knowing how he spewed that constant
hate from the pulpit, his parents would never accept the fact Sammy was gay. He
was positive of that. Surely they’d want the pastor to interfere, to pray the
gay away or worse, send him off to one of those Christian camps they always
sent the sinning young people to. Sammy didn’t need that. He needed support,
guidance, and someone to listen to his feelings.
With
these adverse thoughts in his head right now, negative reactions from his
parents and outsiders would do nothing but make him feel worse. Sammy knew he
was right on the edge and needed someone to pull him away.
“M’kay,
be up in a bit. See ya.” Sammy slid his phone shut and placed it back in his
pocket. His hands were still clammy and trembling from the thoughts in his head
about pulling the trigger. Really, he wished there was another way to end it
all. Pills? He hated taking them. Self hanging? He wasn’t sure how to tie
knots since he never went to Boy Scouts. At least with the hand gun it was
simple to do. He’d been out to the range with his dad before. Animals and the
targets at the shooting range had been his only victims. Never a human and it
terrified him to be turning the weapon on himself.
Despite
this, he knew this was the simplest way to get out of this fate worse than
death; being a gay man, make that, a gay
black man with bible thumping parents who wouldn’t understand being born gay is
okay. They had higher expectations for Sammy. To finish college with top
honors, start his career, then look for a suitable wife to bear them
grandchildren in the near future. They’d said it many times in passing or in
any conversations, even trying to fix him up with young women at church.
No,
Mr. and Mrs. Carroll would never accept their son as a gay man. It was best to
save himself the trouble of disappointing them.
Still
shaken from the events of the last hour or so, Sammy ran inside the house,
huffing like he’d just ran a marathon. His heart thumped in his chest
repeatedly, making this small trek up the stairs seem like he was climbing a
mountain top. In a way it was; meeting with a member of his family, telling
them about his feelings. This however was the smallest hill to overcome. If
Sammy ever decided to tell his parents that would be an even bigger one to
conquer.
For
the time being, he decided to return the gun to his father’s lock box just so
he wouldn’t go looking for it. Still, Sammy kept the key so he could make a
copy for himself in the event he’d need to grab the gun to carry out his
mission. Besides, where would he keep the weapon with his mom still snooping
around his room even at age twenty? How on earth would he explain, stealing his
father’s gun from its secured compartment?
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